Normally I'm chomping at the bit for a little travel, but our next trip to Scotland is creeping upon us quickly -- we leave April 30 -- and I'm finding myself a tad exhausted at the thought. It's no reflection on the trip itself or the people we'll see; after all, we'll be celebrating my oldest friend's wedding and my grandma's 90th birthday in a short five-day visit. But if I'm to be honest, I'm just feeling exhausted in general right now. I've written quite extensively -- and, likely, boring-ly, for some of my readers -- about the shift I've made in my fibromyalgia meds in the past few months, in the hopes of diminishing my pain. I did not realize when I undertook said shift that it would have such a profound impact on my life for a number of months and beyond. I think I foolishly thought that it would be a quick shift and I'd be off to the races and feeling like a normal, pain-free person.
I've been on neurontin now for about six weeks now and, yes, my pain has been lessened. Unfortunately, so has my energy -- which, as those who know me, will attest -- is not naturally high. I'm tired all the time right now. Not low-level tired, which is pesky but ignore-able. But a pervasive and overwhelming exhaustion that makes even the basic tasks difficult and somehow far larger than they actually are. I am left wondering if this is the long-term trade-off and, if so, what would a sane person choose? Energy with pain? Or less pain and exhaustion? Both have a tremendous impact on quality of life and I'm struggling with what may be the right answer. (It occurs to me that I'm dangerously close to stomping my feet here and crying, "It isn't fair!")
On top of it all, I'm gaining quite a bit of weight which I suspect has something to do with the new meds, especially considering the fact that I've been following a pretty sensible eating plan. Seven pounds in six weeks. (I haven't had the energy to exercise very much lately, plus a knee injury that frustrates my meager efforts, but I don't think that's entirely to blame.) Yikes. It's a tough side effect for someone who struggles constantly to eat well and try to keep the scale moving in the other direction. Just feels like it's stacked against me right now and maybe I just need to focus on trying to accept, accept, accept. Blech.
And that concludes our highly whiny, self-pitying, mostly uninteresting post for the day. Sorry. It's what I got right now, folks.